i think my mom watched the whole time
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
