I think i peed on brittanys purse
You smell like stripper and shame
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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