My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How does one acquire holy water?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
