She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
