I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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