btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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