i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
