I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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