Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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