I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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