TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
