I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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