Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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