as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
