Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You are the jesus of drinking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
