made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize