dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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