based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize