Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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