Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
