The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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