My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
