I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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