she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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