Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
