Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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