We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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