I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.