And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.