One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.