Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You pole danced in your parka.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?