Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.