im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.