don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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