Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think people are normalizing furries
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
