Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow