How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle