people are starting to question the shark bite story
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
