i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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