just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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