Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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