Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize