Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
