you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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