She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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