cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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