So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
