last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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