I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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