I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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