I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
