I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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