just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
