I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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