Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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