cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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