dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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